The blogosphere is all a-twitter on big holidays like today, chomping at the bit to post something related/themed/marginally relevant. Never one to stand back as the lemmings rush over the cliff, MovieZeal is joining the fray by cataloging all of the horror reviews we’ve written over the past 9-10 months. Not surprisingly, Luke has written almost every one.
Wondering what to watch tonight at your Halloween party tonight? Concerned that The Strangers might be as bad as everyone says it is? Inquisitive about whether The Orphanage is really that awesome? Look no further, my gore-hungry friends.
Oh, and Happy Halloween. Hit the jump for the goods.
- The Mist –
Some people hated this; I loved every nerve wracking second of it. The most terrifying moments happen at the hands of normal human beings, and the ending is the gut punch to end all gut punches.
- Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street –
Who doesn’t like a little music with their murder? The crooning of Johnny Depp mixed with Tim Burton’s ruby-red arterial sprays is a tasty combination.
- Nosferatu –
The vampire flick to end all vampire flicks. You cannot call yourself a true aficionado of horror without having taken Max Schrek and his Count Orloff for a spin.
- The Orphanage –
This film might not break any new ground, but it scared the bodily fluids right out of my system. A woman needs to fins her lost son, but the truth is much simpler – and nastier – than she could ever imagine.
- The Signal –
A film in 3 acts, each one overseen by a different director, about a nasty signal coming through the boob-tube and convincing people to murder one another in horrid ways. It can be a bit of a mixed bag (the pure horror of the first act gives way to slapstick black humor in the second), but horror flicks are rarely this creative.
- Frankenstein –
Classic option number two. ‘Nuff said.
- Diary of the Dead –
Luke and I divide sharply over this film. He loved it (and wrote the review, hence the 4 star rating), but I loathed it and was suppressing chuckles the entire time. If you love Romero, check this out if you haven’t already, but otherwise I would recommend looking at one of the films above this one.
- Poltergeist –
“They’re here.” One of the first “creepy kid” horror flicks (a gimmick that really needs to be retired now, thank you very much), this is another veritable classic. A bit lighter on the scares and viscera than some of the other options here, it nevertheless provides a few chills down the ‘ole spine.
MovieZeal does NOT RECOMMEND:
- Saw V –
When will the madness stop? When I say?
- The Strangers –
Funny Games for the idiot set. “Based on a true story,” yada yada yada, Luke groaned his way through this one. The most horrifying part about it? The soundtrack, which defies common decency.
- Shutter –
Why make something new when you can just steal an average Asian horror flick and do a crappy remake of it?
- Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem –
Fox does not care about one of their most valuable IPs, as evidenced by this steaming pile of celluloid. See as a last resort, only.
- The Ruins –
Dumb white kids get killed by a mysterious jungle creature. Perhaps you can view it as a vicious immigration revenge parable. Yeah, try that out.
- 30 Days of Night –
If you don’t mind your vampire flicks with a healthy dose of stupid, then check this one out. The premise is as high-concept as it comes (an Alaskan town, where for 30 days the sun don’t shine, is besieged by a horde of bloodsuckers), but the execution is tepid.