Okay, time for some shameless self-promotion, in case there’s anyone out there who just can’t get enough Luke (I know there’s one of you)! I finally snagged a paid writing job. Okay, so it’s freelance, and it pays beans, and I’m writing about music, not movies (which is okay — perhaps someday there will be a MusicZeal.com…) — but I don’t think that’s too shabby for a guy who’s only been out of college a year with a worthless B.A. in English and film. I’m covering music for a local e-news outlet. I’m new to the music beat, so I’m still learning, but here’s a link to one of my better pieces, if you’re interested (note: I didn’t come up with that grammatically nonsensical title). You can find more by clicking on “Entertainment” in the sidebar.

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, here are the movies coming out this week:

Sex Drive
Yet another comedy about a dorky teen boy trying to get laid? Why is this on the top of my list? Well, put simply, I watched the trailer, and it looks HILARIOUS. The premise is vaguely original as well: Josh Zuckerman is a recent high school grad who’s never had a girlfriend, but has a girl on the Internet convinced that he’s a hulking football player. And then he has to meet her in real life. Oops.

Recommended if you liked Superbad, American Pie, or Porky’s

Morning Light
Yeah, this one is my second choice for the week, but I can’t imagine that many other people will be interested; it’s this high on the list primarily because I love sailing. Roy E. Disney, an avid yachtsman himself (it’s hard not to have bags of money to spend on yachts when your uncle built one of the world’s biggest corporate empires ever), produced this little documentary about the youngest crew ever to compete in the Transpacific Yacht Race. It sounds like a fun time, as long as you like two or more of the following: 1) documentaries, 2) sports movies, 3) boating.

Recommended if you liked Spellbound, White Squall, or Bra Boys

The Secret Life of Bees
Um…Dakota Fanning is a white girl raised by Queen Latifah? Or something? Sounds like a cross between Waiting to Exhale and The Jerk. Call it Waiting to Exhale the Jerk.

Recommended if you’re wondering whether Alicia Keys can act (my money says no, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed for her)

Max Payne
These last two are pretty much tied, as far as I’m concerned — how do you choose between a movie based on a videogame that no one’s cared about in several years and a movie based on a president that no one’s cared about in several years? Here’s a discussion question for the board below: is it possible for a movie based on videogame to be good? My standard answer is no, since a film adds nothing new to a videogame (unlike it does when you adapt, say, a novel). Anyway, as per the film’s website, this one stars Mark Wahlberg as the “maverick cop.” John McCain was unavailable for comment.

Recommended if you liked Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hitman, or Resident Evil

W.
Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men) stars as the president of some obscure banana republic called the “United States of America.” Okay, serious question: does anyone really want to see this movie? Whether you love Bush or hate him, this just feels like really bad timing. The general vibe seems to be that people are simply done withe the guy — people are sick of hearing about him and ready for a change, regardless of whether they lean right or left. Even if this movie mercilessly mocks him (and I don’t think it will), Bush-bashing hasn’t been trendy for several years. Am I wrong? Let me know what you think.

Recommended if you liked JFK, Nixon, or Primary Colors

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